Categories
Body Image Exercise Fitness Competitions Men

Muscle Dysmorphia in Male Bodybuilders

Over the past few decades there has been an increase in the exploitation of male body image insecurities. Thanks to an aesthetics driven media and a $100 billion-dollar global fitness industry, men are now more than ever under pressure to conform to a certain type of physique.1

This means that body dysmorphia is a growing issue amongst men, who compare themselves to society’s idea of the perfect masculine body. Today, men are told that they should be muscular and lean, with a chiselled jaw and six pack abs.

23 years ago, the trend to embody this muscular ideal led to the diagnosis of a new body dysmorphia subtype. This was known as muscle dysmorphia (aka reverse anorexia or bigorexia). Individuals with this condition believe that their body is insufficiently muscular, regardless of actual muscle size and definition.

Male athletes are particularly vulnerable to developing muscle dysmorphia


Male athletes are particularly vulnerable to developing muscle dysmorphia, especially those who take part in aesthetic sports such as competitive bodybuilding.2 Bodybuilding epitomises the social ideal of muscularity: it is a sport judged solely on appearance.

When muscle dysmorphia first entered the literature in 1997, it was introduced as an aspect of what was coined the Adonis Complex by Harvard professors Harrison Pope et al. Their work documented the body dissatisfaction experienced by millions of men worldwide which led to ‘compulsive weightlifting and exercising, steroid abuse, eating disorders, and body dysmorphic disorder.’3

Muscle dysmorphia has also been placed on the obsessive compulsive disorder spectrum. This is because it is characterised by obsessive thoughts of increasing muscularity and reducing body fat, and a compulsive drive to achieve these goals. These compulsions assume the form of camouflaging; and repetitive body checking behaviours, such as measuring the size of muscles, flexing muscles in the mirror and frequent weighing.


CRITERIA


Despite its somewhat confused aetiology, muscle dysmorphia is now included in the DSM V as a form of body dysmorphic disorder. In order to be diagnosed, individuals must meet two of the following four criteria:


1: The individual frequently gives up important social, occupational or recreational activities because of a compulsive need to maintain their workout and diet schedule.

During my own research, all bodybuilders confessed that they are obsessed with training, and frequently turn down or cancel social events because of their weight lifting regime. Training also significantly interferes with their jobs and their relationships. If they are forced to forego a training session, athletes experience depression and anxiety and feel compelled to make up for the missed workout.

2: The individual avoids situations where their body is exposed to others, or endures such situations only with marked distress or intense anxiety.


In Pope’s original research, 88% of men with muscle dysmorphia reported being afraid to take their shirt off in public.4 This is also true of the bodybuilders I interviewed. Despite being able to stand on stage in nothing but the smallest of shiny posing trunks, they otherwise avoid situations or activities, such as swimming, where their bodies would be exposed.

They fear appearance-based rejection


This anxiety may originate from a desire for social acceptance. Meeting sociocultural expectations means that they are rewarded with encouragement in the form of attention and compliments. Conversely, if they do not feel that their bodies are lean enough, or muscular enough then they fear appearance-based rejection.

3: The preoccupation about the inadequacy of body size or musculature causes clinically significant distress or impairment.

Despite other people commenting on their muscle mass, all of the bodybuilders who took part in my research believe that they are insufficiently muscular. They even confessed to hating their bodies and are constantly preoccupied with negative body-image related thoughts. One study found that men with muscle dysmorphia spent more than five hours a day worrying that they are not muscular enough.5

Competitive bodybuilders have high standards of physical perfection that leads to comparison and self criticism

Competitive bodybuilders set themselves such high standards of physical perfection that it leads to relentless comparison and self criticism. The nature of competitive bodybuilding lends itself to this kind of judgement since competitor’s physiques will be compared to determine who goes home with the winning trophy.

The belief that they are insufficiently muscular has a direct effect on bodybuilders’ mental health, leading to lack of confidence, low self-esteem and anxiety.

4: The individual continues to work out, diet or use performance-enhancing substances despite knowledge of adverse physical or psychological consequences.6

Despite being aware of the risks, bodybuilders make conscious decisions to engage in health-compromising practices. These include excessive training, extreme dieting and anabolic steroid use.

Aside from a decrease in physical performance, excessive strength training can cause a wide range of adverse health effects. These include ‘adrenal insufficiency, chronic injuries, gastrointestinal distress, and immune dysfunction.’7 These conditions occur because the human body is not naturally designed to endure such large physical stress.

CAUSE

The cause of muscle dysmorphia is multifaceted with various cognitive, biological, psychological and sociocultural factors that influence its expression

The biological model proposes that the condition may be ‘a problem of somatoperception’ (a problem with knowing your own body). This is thought to be ‘related to organic lesions or processing issues in the right parietal lobe of the brain.’8

Other research suggests that some individuals have a genetic predisposition to developing muscle dysmorphia. This biological theory also involves an environmental component since it proposes that the condition only emerges following exposure to certain trauma such as domestic violence, physical assault, bullying or abuse.


Given the correlation between muscle mass and strength, it is understandable how the desire for a strong, muscular body may be a reaction to physical abuse or feelings of vulnerability. Being muscular is a way of safeguarding and defending oneself against future mistreatment.

Several of my interviewees had experienced bullying and even serious trauma, leaving one man I spoke to suffering from complex PTSD. He confessed that his muscular physique makes him feel more able to protect himself, and others: it is his ‘safety blanket.’

Athletes tend to have psychological factors that predispose them to muscle dysmorphia

In addition, athletes tend to have psychological factors that predispose them to muscle dysmorphia, such as perfectionism and high levels of competitiveness.9 These are linked in the world of competitive bodybuilding where success depends upon having a perfect, balanced physique.

TREATMENT

Despite its increasing prevalence and potentially serious consequences, muscle dysmorphia goes largely untreated. This is partly because it is difficult to diagnose.

Identifying the disorder can be problematic since competitive bodybuilders have an outward appearance of health

The characteristics that are associated with muscle dysmorphia, such as exercise and good nutrition, along with the discipline and motivation required to build a muscular physique, are typically viewed as positive traits.

Even if individuals with muscle dysmorphia are aware that they might need some kind of intervention, many are ashamed of their condition. There are social taboos both against men having body image concerns in the first place, and also against expressing their feelings about them.

Current treatment methods are the same as those prescribed for general body dysmorphia. These include cognitive behavioural therapy and antidepressant medications.10 Their efficacy remains controversial, however, and the relapse rate is high.11

Regarding future diagnosis and treatment, it is important that fitness coaches and health care professionals are informed about the signs and symptoms of muscle dysmorphia; and its potential dangers. This will enable them to identify who may be at risk and to prescribe the correct treatment.

There has to be a paradigm shift in how male bodies are portrayed

In order to tackle muscle dysmorphia on a wider sociocultural level, however, ultimately there has to be a paradigm shift in how male bodies are portrayed by media and advertising. It is important for us to remember that while Adonis was a demigod, everyone else is only human.


  1. https://www.businessinsider.com/fitness-has-exploded-into-a-nearly-100-billion-global-industry-2019-9?r=US&IR=T
  2. https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.1177/1557988318786868
  3. https://www.researchgate.net/publication/247715403_The_Adonis_Complex_The_Secret_Crisis_of_Male_Body_Obsession_Looking_Good_Male_Body_Image_in_Modern_America_Making_the_Body_Beautiful_A_Cultural_History_of_Aesthetic_Surgery_Body_Modification
  4. Pope, H.G.; Phillips, K.A.; Olivardia, R, The Adonis Complex: How to Identify, Treat, and Prevent Body Obsession in Men and Boys (Touchstone, New York, 2000)
  5. Pope, H.G.; Phillips, K.A.; Olivardia, R, The Adonis Complex: How to Identify, Treat, and Prevent Body Obsession in Men and Boys (Touchstone, New York, 2000)
  6. https://www.researchgate.net/publication/23225701_Bigorexia_Bodybuilding_and_Muscle_Dysmorphia
  7. http://darwinian-medicine.com/the-dangers-of-excessive-strength-training/
  8. https://ziggibson.wordpress.com/2017/02/05/muscle-dysmorphia-and-the-adonis-complex-mirror-mirror-on-the-wall-why-am-i-not-the-biggest-of-them-all/
  9. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Muscle_dysmorphia
  10. http://eprints.worc.ac.uk/4859/1/Muscle%20Dysmorphia%20Current%20insights.pdf
  11. https://ziggibson.wordpress.com/2017/02/05/muscle-dysmorphia-and-the-adonis-complex-mirror-mirror-on-the-wall-why-am-i-not-the-biggest-of-them-all/
Categories
Body Image Eating Disorders History

Keeping Up With The Body Ideal

Throughout history, women have been compelled to alter their bodies in order to meet variable standards of physical perfection.

With its tight mid-section and muscular curves, the ‘bikini body’ is the ideal to which we are currently told to aspire. A lean physique, however, has only become fashionable during the last century.

The ideal body was big and matriarchal, symbolising fertility and female power

Prior to this, voluptuousness was idolised and fleshy figures were prized in cultures all over the world. Evidence of this dates back to 21,000 BC, as portrayed by the Palaeolithic chalk statue, the Willendorf Venus. The ideal body was big and matriarchal, its swollen form symbolising fertility and female power.

This notion of beauty persisted until the 1800s when there was a marked shift in the female body ideal. It was during this period that slenderness first came into fashion: the ascetic model that graces our modern runways originated in the wasp-waisted silhouette of the Victorian lady.

The corset’s lacing and whalebone reinforcement caused gradual shifting of the internal organs

In 1893, one beauty journal claimed that ‘a slender, well-proportioned figure is the desire of most women.’ Replicating this aesthetic that was both slim and curvaceous required the use of a corset. The corset’s lacing and whalebone reinforcement caused gradual shifting of the internal organs to create the coveted hourglass figure with exaggerated bust and hips, offset by a narrow waist. Vogue magazine even featured a tightly-laced model on the cover of its first ever publication in 1892.

This move towards slenderness was the result of a change in women’s socio-political status. During the latter half of the nineteenth century the balance of power between the sexes began to change when suffragettes campaigned for the right to vote.

In the 1920s, dieting became a serious female preoccupation

During this period, the alteration in women’s appearance reflected their political aspirations for freedom and power. In the 1920s, female emancipation coincided with a new svelte ideal when the epitome of beauty became the boyish ‘flapper.’ As a consequence, dieting became a serious female preoccupation. This resulted in a marked increase in the number of women diagnosed with anorexia nervosa.

The following decades saw the return of the cinched waist, yet the ideal body retained the slenderness of the narrow-hipped, small-chested flapper. It was not until the 1950s that the hourglass figure returned in full force.

Glamorous celebrities such as Jayne Mansfield and Marilyn Monroe contributed to a voluptuous ideal that had echoes of Victorianism with its petite waistline. This was achieved by wearing a girdle, however, rather than a tightly-laced corset.

This beauty ideal was reflected in the immensely popular Barbie doll, which was introduced in 1959 and boasted a large bust, long legs and an impossibly small waist.

Since the 1960s, the figure possessed by models, playboy centrefolds and beauty contestants has become increasingly slim. This trend began with British model Leslie Hornby, nicknamed Twiggy, who stormed the fashion scene when she appeared in Vogue in 1965.

Twiggy quickly became a cultural icon of femininity with millions of women across Britain and America engaging in self-starvation in order to emulate her waif-like fragility. As the ideal body reduced in size, definitions of ‘overweight’ subsequently began to include ‘normal-sized’ women.

By the early 1980s, the fashion for delicate femininity was replaced by a more ‘toned’ physique. This was reinforced by an emerging culture of health and fitness. For the first time, the ideal female body had muscle.

Shortly afterwards, however, health gave way to self-destruction and dissolution since the 90s’ aesthetic was based around ‘heroin chic’. The look, characterized by pale, emaciated features and unkempt hair was propounded by fashion models such as Kate Moss, who found fame in 1993 after featuring in an advertisement for Calvin Klein.

In 2020, those androgynous angles and unsmiling faces have now been replaced with toned, feminine curves as magazine covers and Victoria’s Secret runways are graced with happy, healthy looking models. Fitness culture has returned, bringing with it a trend for bodies that are curvaceous, yet also lean.

The hourglass figure of the nineteenth century is back. Without a corset, however, women must work even harder to achieve the contradictory aspects of a tight waist and ample curves.

Throughout the centuries, self-comparison with the ideal female form has contributed to bodily dissatisfaction and disorderly eating. From organ-shifting corsets, to extremely restrictive diets, women have engaged in physically damaging practices for hundreds of years in an attempt to replicate a perpetually shifting ideal.

If we are to achieve freedom from this, we must remember that the concept of the ideal body is merely a concept. It is an idea, invented by culture and continually subject to change.

Striving to achieve the ideal body will inevitably lead to failure

Consequently, striving to achieve the ‘perfect’ physique will inevitably lead to failure. Today, we are told that we must aspire to have a curvaceous bikini body. Tomorrow, the fashion may change to a more androgynous figure and the hard work must begin all over again….

Categories
Body Image Dieting Eating Disorders Exercise Fitness Competitions

Not-So-Fit-Spiration

CW: details of disordered eating behaviours.

Throughout the noughties, young women appealed to ‘thinspiration’ for advice on how they should look. Instagram was their Bible and the thigh-gap their ultimate goal. Recently however, this disturbingly slender model has developed muscle.

In 2021, the fitness body has become the ideal to which women are told they must aspire.

It is now becoming increasingly difficult to avoid the ever expanding world of ‘fitspiration.’ Via their motivational online content, sculpted gym bunnies and yoga pant clad ‘wellness’ gurus offer us an attractive alternative to being ‘thin.’

While thinspiration placed emphasis upon mental willpower, ‘be strong and get skinny’, modern fitness culture requires resilience of both mind and body. This is indicated by the slogan: ‘strong is the new skinny.’

Moving away from the comparatively simple starvation method, fitspiration encourages weight loss through ‘clean’ eating and exercise. On social media, women in neon sports bras inform their followers that today is ‘leg day’; and ‘meal 3’ was salmon with sweet potato.

Instagram feeds function as online food diaries where fitness enthusiasts post images of Tupperware-bound protein and greens. These are accompanied by their macronutrient values and the ubiquitous hashtag #absaremadeinthekitchen.


According to this trend, dieting must be supplemented by regular workouts in order to achieve the new ideal body that is not only lean, but also strong. The concave stomach of the thinspiration era now boasts a six pack; and the thigh gap has been replaced by muscular legs. A model’s rounded glutes are frequently the subject of fitspirational images where women are posed in the squat rack, dripping with sweat.

There are positive aspects to fitness culture. It can be encouraging in its (ostensible) quest for health, and is capable of promoting body confidence. Unlike the followers of its predecessor, advocates of fitspiration assert

I work out not because I hate my body but because I love it

The women who refused food, or spent their days slumped over a toilet bowl are now positive and strong.

Nevertheless, despite their outward appearance of health, the women who represent this lifestyle maintain an extremely low level of body fat. According to Muscle and Body Magazine, fitness models usually have 8.5-14% body fat, which is far lower than the 25-31% female average. For women, this can be particularly dangerous since a certain amount of body fat is necessary for their physiological health.

Compared to the anorexic girls of the thinspiration era, fitness models have a large amount of muscle mass, which means that they do not look ill and emaciated. Marketed as fitness, the new ideal body makes ‘thin’ socially palatable by its transition from the darker, self-harming world of anorexia towards a promise of health and happiness.

The danger of fitspiration lies in the fact that it is masquerading as health

With its confounding combination of muscular curves and low body fat, the fitness figure is even more unattainable than its ultra-thin predecessor. As was the case with the diminutive form of the Kate Moss ‘nothing tastes as good as skinny feels’ era, striving to attain the fitness model look causes serious damage to mental and physical health.

The thought patterns and behaviours of fitspiration are potentially as destructive and compulsive as self-starvation.


Attaining such a lean physique involves strict eating regimes and obsessive exercise, yet these activities are disguised by rhetoric of willpower and dedication. Like advocates of thinspiration, members of the fitness movement view their choices not as a dangerous obsession, but as part of a dedicated lifestyle.

This is reinforced by their mantra: ‘obsessed is a word the lazy use to describe the dedicated.’ In addition, the compulsive nature of these behaviours is confirmed by the claim that, ‘once you see results, it becomes an addiction.’

While today’s culture asserts that ‘strong is the new skinny’, this statement is undermined by its replication of many thinspiration conventions. Its followers photograph their meals, share weight loss tips, and post countless selfies; yet with a tighter, more muscular physique as their idol.

Fitspiration offers an even more impossible ideal


As well as promoting the same obsessions as its predecessor, fitspiration offers an even more impossible ideal. Looking like a fitness model requires heavy weight lifting, an impeccably rigid diet, and round the clock commitment; a truth overlooked by some of the young women who become swept up by this culture. You can read about my personal experiences of being a fitness model here.

Far from promoting a healthier attitude towards eating and body image, the fitness physique is merely a rebranding of anorexia-glorifying thinspiration. Despite fitspiration’s claim that, ‘strong is the new skinny’, strong remains resolutely lean.

Categories
Body Image Dieting

Paying To Be Perfect

Throughout history, society has been preoccupied with the concept of the ‘ideal’ female body. The modern definition of this ideal, slender and toned, yet also curvaceous, is so unattainable that women who try to reproduce it often develop problems with body image and disorderly eating.

But where does this ideal originate? And why do so many of us want to achieve it?

The answer lies in the current global market, which reflects a $166 billion health and weight management industry; a $532 billion beauty industry; and a $51 billion cosmetic surgery industry. The flawless female body is economically exploited by multinational corporations: it is ‘an icon created by capitalism for the sake of profit.’1

Beauty, fitness and diet industries target our insecurities

Beauty, fitness and diet industries generate their income by presenting us with a vision of the perfect body that targets our own insecurities. We are vulnerable to the power of this image since, in comparison, we are made to feel overweight and ugly.

The same companies then sell us products so that we can ‘correct’ our many physical deficiencies. These products promise to make us appear younger, slimmer and more attractive.

Under the guise of counselling women on ways they can attain physical perfection, companies increase their profit margins by nurturing bodily anxiety. They create a problem; then offer the solution. As long as bodily dissatisfaction is maintained, women are controllable and profitable.

These industries profit from selling bodily insecurity

Since these industries profit from selling bodily insecurity, they make us believe that we can improve ourselves by purchasing their products.

Women’s magazines and websites are packed with articles and adverts that provide solutions for sculpting the perfect glutes; reducing body fat; and getting rid of wrinkles. They tell us that transformation is easy, as long as we are willing to spend.

Companies not only advertise products to improve our physical exteriors; they also offer consumable items that promise to reduce our weight and size. Within modern culture, women and dieting are almost synonymous.

This weight preoccupation is created by the diet industry that is worth over £2bn in the UK alone. Diet companies profit by offering weight loss solutions that are unsustainable in the long term, thereby ensuring that women return to buy their products.

Low carbohydrate diets, for instance, can cause rapid weight loss, yet the rate of this loss decreases as the body adapts and metabolism lowers in order to compensate for lack of nutritional energy. Most diets offer a quick and easy solution, yet fail to counsel women on the long term effects, or their possible health risks.

More than 1 in 5 women claim they would consider weight loss surgery

In addition to investing in diet plans and products, an increasing number of women have resorted to surgery to shed the pounds. Weight loss surgery is on the rise, with a market worth of almost $6 billion in the USA. More than one in five women claim that they would consider surgical procedures to combat their weight.2

There is also a growing market for surgical and non-surgical cosmetic treatments. This is owing to the current body ideal that is both curvaceous and lean. Since this is almost impossible for most women to achieve naturally, surgery is often required.

According to The British Association of Aesthetic Plastic Surgeons, the top 3 cosmetic surgeries of 2019 include breast augmentation, with 7727 surgeries carried out during this year.3

Owing to the somewhat unnatural body ideal and the over-commercialisation of surgery, going under the knife has become a social norm. Since it is now possible to drastically change our bodies through diet, exercise and surgical procedures, however, the ideal has become increasingly unrealistic.

We are led to believe that we are perfectible

In these ways, capitalist industries perpetuate the myth that the physical form is a blank canvas to be constructed, improved and enhanced. We are led to believe that we are perfectible: that the body can be shaped according to our volition.

Feminist critic Susan Bordo points out that the body is no longer understood as ‘a biological “given” …but as a plastic potentiality to be pressed into the service of the image-to be arranged, re-arranged, constructed and deconstructed as we choose.’4

Being told that we have the power for self-improvement creates the illusion that we are in control of our own transformations. In reality, however, we are victims of commercial enterprise. 

Not only is the concept of the ideal body created for capitalist gain, it also serves to maintain patriarchal power. In a culture obsessed with bodies, we are made to feel ashamed of our own figures and engage in damaging behaviours in order to ‘fix’ them.

Accepting this ideal and believing that we can alter our bodies to achieve it has, according to Susie Orbach, ‘contributed to…a progressively unstable body, a body which to an alarming degree is becoming a site of serious suffering and disorder.’5

Subscribing to the demands of the cultural ideal, we become agents of our own oppression by engaging in self-regulatory practices as we starve, purge, nip, tuck and beautify our bodies.

By directing our energies towards meeting an impossible body ideal, this means that we do not have the time, energy, or confidence to challenge our position in society. In this way, our bodies have become mediums of cultural control that ensure we remain attractive, silent and obedient.

Society leads to believe that the problem lies with us: that if we mould ourselves to fit their ideal, our problems will be solved. Instead of trying to squeeze our bodies into a single cookie-cutter shape and size, however, we should celebrate the beautiful variety of female bodies. Instead of striving for individual change, we should aim for social revolution.


  1. Hesse-Biber, Sharlene, Am I Thin Enough Yet?: The Cult of Thinness and the Commercialization of Identity, (Oxford University Press, Oxford, 1996)
  2. https://comparethetreatment.com/the-uks-top-cosmetic-surgery-trends-for-2015/
  3. https://baaps.org.uk/media/press_releases/1708/cosmetic_surgery_stats_number_of_surgeries_remains_stable_amid_calls_for_greater_regulation_of_quick_fix_solutions
  4. Bordo, Susan Feminisms
  5. Orbach, Susie Bodies, (Profile Books, London, 2009)
Categories
Body Image Dieting Exercise Fitness Competitions

The Perfect Body Illusion

CW: details of disordered eating behaviours.

Do you wish you look like the girl in the magazine? I will let you in on a secret…the girl in the magazine doesn’t even look like that.


I know: I have been that girl.


Representations of the ‘perfect’ female body are pervasive throughout modern society, consolidated and perpetuated by an omnipresent mass media. Online, this ideal can be found on a variety of platforms ranging from YouTube workout videos, to the image-laden Instagram. We are constantly bombarded with these ‘inspirational’ bodies which, thanks to our smartphones, can be viewed any time, anywhere.

Frequent exposure to these ideals places women at risk of developing a negative body image

In today’s hyper-saturated image culture, this aesthetic ideal is extremely powerful; and its prolific distribution serves to reinforce our obsession with physical appearance. Studies suggest that frequent exposure to these ideals places women, particularly adolescent females, at risk of developing a negative body image. Comparing ourselves to these blemish-free, sculpted physiques can cause dissatisfaction and contribute to low self-esteem.

In a study carried out in 2019, over 45 per cent of adolescents were found to be moderately or strongly influenced by media images of idealised bodies. Comparison with these images often encourages weight preoccupation, and ultimately leads to disordered eating as we attempt to replicate the ‘ideal’ body.


This body, however, is far from real.


In 2013, I entered the aesthetics-driven world of fitness competitions. I would like to say that I was motivated to compete by my love of weight lifting, or that it was because of my competitive personality. In reality, I was seduced by the glamour. For me, fitness competitors were beauty queens with muscle. They shone (literally in their diamante stage bikinis), emanating strength and confidence. Whatever they had, I wanted to have it; whatever they were, I wanted to be it.


So I signed up for my first show, and in doing so, was awarded membership to that elite group of dazzling women. Like them, I stood onstage under the spotlights while photographers immortalised my lean, muscular, and somewhat orange physique in a flurry of shots.


Afterwards, when I shared the images online, my friends and family remarked how different I looked onstage. In particular, they commented on how tall I appeared (in real life, I measure a petite 5 feet 2 inches). Creating the appearance of height, however, is only one of countless illusions that can be produced using the art of photography.


With technological methods such as digital enhancement and airbrushing, it is possible to mask imperfections and homogenize skin tone. Abdominal muscles can be made to appear more defined by increasing contrast and deepening shadows; and the body’s silhouette can be adjusted by tightening the waist and enlarging ‘desirable’ curves such as a woman’s bust and glutes.

Models often go to extreme lengths to ensure that their bodies are photo perfect


This photographic illusion is also reinforced by the models themselves, who will often go to extreme lengths to ensure that their bodies are photo perfect. I always book a photoshoot for the week leading up to a competition, beginning gruelling preparations two months in advance.

This is when I exchange body building for sculpting; stripping away soft flesh to uncover the goddess-like form that waits beneath in all its defined, curvaceous glory.

This preparation requires meticulous planning. Calories are decreased, carbohydrates are cycled, and macronutrients are precisely calculated. I have a freezer full of turkey and tilapia; and cupboards stocked with pink salt and calorie-free condiments in order to survive the weeks of no sugar and no sauce. Food is green or white.


I prepare my meals in advance and, being too hungry to wait 5 minutes while they reheat, eat them cold straight from their Tupperware tub. I scrape pans and lick spoons, desperate to devour every last morsel of food. Attempting to alleviate hunger pangs, I incessantly chew gum, go to bed at 9pm and chain drink black Americanos until my hands are shaking.

This type of severe diet and the constant hunger makes me highly irritable, dizzy and exhausted, all of which are exacerbated by my intensive weight lifting regime.

Yet it is all worth it when my obliques begin to emerge, and my muscles become separated. At this stage I am vascular and incredibly lean, and my body is ready to be photographed.


On the morning of the shoot, I then spend hours spraying dark tan, applying heavy make up, and vigorously backcombing my hair. After squeezing into a pair of tiny hot pants and a luminous sports bra, I pump up my muscles to create optimum definition.

Once the lighting and backdrop has been ideally positioned, all that remains is to painfully angle my body to its best advantage, suck in my stomach, and smile.

After the photographer has captured sufficient material, I am free to slump over the wash basin, where I attempt to rid myself of both her stage make up, and the blinding headache brought on by lack of food and water.

Photoshop masks and blends imperfections

As my face and body are returned to normal at the sink, my image is becoming increasingly abnormal as the photographer works on digitally enhancing the raw shots. Photoshop masks and blends imperfections and homogenizes skin tone. Abdominal muscles become more defined as contrast is increased and shadows are deepened. Morphing alters the body’s silhouette by tightening the waist and enlarging desirable bikini body features, such as the chest and glutes.

The potential harm of this kind of image manipulation, however, lies not in the enhancement itself, but in the photograph’s final presentation. Despite being overly styled and digitally altered, such bodies are frequently portrayed as ‘normal’ in the mass media. The constant stream of these images on Facebook, Instagram and elsewhere can therefore distort our perception of what is normal and attainable.

Most ‘perfect’ pictures on social media are often staged, well lit, strategically posed, and digitally manipulated


It is common practice for us to add a flattering filter, display our best angles, or even change our faces into cats before posting a photograph of ourselves online. This can be fun, or even reassuring if we are not feeling confident about our appearance on a particular day. The danger, however, lies in forgetting that most ‘perfect’ pictures on social media are not candid: they are often staged, well lit, strategically posed, and digitally manipulated.


When I find myself scrolling through old fitness photographs feeling envious of my leaner, more muscular physique, I try to remind myself that the body in the pictures was never truly real. On the day, I was starving, uncomfortable, and had a splitting headache brought on by lack of food and water.


If, like me, you sometimes brood over pictures when you thought you looked ‘better’; or compare yourself to the seemingly flawless models on Instagram, please remember that this perfect body does not exist…it is merely an ILLUSION.


Note: all images in this article are of myself during my competition and fitness modelling career